I was instructed to be honest in my review of the ever popular Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James, so here goes:
It is a crap book.
By the way, this review is FULL OF SPOILERS so if you don’t like spoilers, I suggest you stop reading now.
Before I expound on my view, let me give you a brief background (in case you have been living under a rock these past few months and have no idea what this book is about): Anastasia Steele is a college student who meets young billionaire Christian Grey. She falls for him but he seems to be sending her mixed signals: kissing her passionately one minute, pushing her away the next. But then, he gets over his issues, admits to Ana that he’s in love, and proceeds to sweep her off her feet. If it sounds familiar, that’s because it is. Aside from following the basic romance novel formula of meeting-falling-in-love-falling-into-bed-happy-ever-after, it started off as a Twilight fan faction. So, yes, lots of Twilight elements in this book – including Edward’s creepiness and Bella’s annoying-ness. And like Edward, Christian Grey has a deep dark secret. He’s no glittery vampire though… what he is is a sado-masochist who likes to indulge in “kinky fuckery” with women he enters into contracts with (REAL written contracts, mind you).
I gave away all my Twilight books because I felt that they were a waste of precious shelf space. With this book, I felt like I was back in Bella Swan’s head – which in my opinion, is not a healthy place for any sane reader to be in. So… I hated Fifty Shades Of Grey.
What I hated most was that Ana kept on describing how beautiful Christian was and how Adonis like he was. And he had a long index finger (I think this was said three times). And he is the epitome of male beauty. Gahhhh. When I read curly+auburn hair, I think of Mark Zuckerburg, who is in no way close to Adonis. Try imagining Mark Zuckerburg in bed doing “kinky fuckery” — I don’t know about you but even if it involves rolling in billions of dollars, the image of that makes me want to zonrox my brain to wipe it clean.
Overall the book is good only for those who actually liked Bella and Edward’s creepy relationship (yuck), or who are interested in BDSM (that would be Bondage and Discipline, Sadism and Masochism). If you’re the latter, this book reads like an instruction manual and should be helpful for you (yes, I was stoic and read those parts, even though they honestly wanted me to get a chastity belt and throw away the key). But if you arent into those things, best to just pass on this book. Lots of other books out there heavier on romance without the messed up weirdness.
The only good thing about this book was at the end of it, Ana finally gets fed up, realizes she doesn’t want to be submissive, and leaves Christian. Huzzah! But then you pick up the next book to see what happens next and find out that they get back together and fall into bed a week after their break up. FAIL!
The next book shows more promise. Ana stands up to Christian and he seems to have taken a liking to good old vanilla sex so the kinky stuff isn’t quite as terrifying. I read through a fourth of the second one. I don’t know if I’ll finish this though.